This last trimester has by far been the most challenging and emotional chapter of my life. Something about the last 13 weeks just completely shifted my life. I mean…the entire pregnancy shifted my life lol. But I mean it changed drastically.
For starters – my maternity leave started a month earlier than we anticipated. This hurt. Not because it wasn’t necessary (believe me, it was) but because I suddenly lost my income. My fiancé has been wonderful and he’s been a rock through these financial difficulties. I just couldn’t help but feel somewhat responsible. I’ll write more on this later.
I found myself crying more than ever. Just last night I cried a very frustrated cry due to us being who God has called us to be – a helpmate. And I know. It sounds backwards & odd. But this is my truth. I had to recognize I wasn’t crying because someone was depending on us. But I was angry because I couldn’t help us. I have a savior complex. A superwoman complex. An “I’ll figure it out” mentality. And this transition is wayyyy past my comfort zone.
And then, as I sat in my room with my dog peacefully sleeping the foot of my bed & my music softly playing – I found myself more grateful than ever. I had a “come to Qui moment”. See, my fiancé is by far the best man I’ve ever known. He lifts me when I’m down, consoles me until I’m calm. He does for our household without complaining. He reassures me when I lose sight of the God we serve. See, it’s a slippery slope when you’re already feeling down & out. It’s easy to beat myself up. But my love won’t allow that. And I am so thankful for him. I am thankful for the God we serve, who always finds a way to remind me that we’ll be alright.
Jesus is lighter than a leaf in my pocket, he’s the air to keep me alive. And he blessed me with a rock to keep me grounded. 💕