It never ceases to amaze me how life will turn on you and leave you in shock. I journaled some positive words last Friday despite a hard week and then BOOM! This week came at me even harder. I’ve been racking my brain and my heart trying to decide if this test was one for my faith or if it’s consequence of my own actions. I haven’t decided yet.

See, I’ve been here before. In this spot of total uncertainty. A place where no matter where you turn, you have no clue how it’s going to turn out or if the outcome will be in your favor. And let me tell you, I didn’t like this place the last time I was here. And guess what? I HATE IT HERE! *inserts Jayden Smith meme* No really, I’m not sure if I hate it but I dang sure find it uncomfortable as hell. I’ve been told that when you are being tested, God is making some necessary adjustments to move you around. And trust me, I know I’m wasting my time trying to figure out the plan and the outcome but I can’t help it. I need some guidance. I need for God to come to me directly, sit me down, and tell me exactly what the heck is going on.

I had a phone interview last week and I was so sure I had killed it. Turns out, I didn’t. I got the email today saying they were going a different route with another candidate. This position would have put me right where I needed to be as far as schedule flexibility and pay. So y’all can imagine I was a little bummed to get this news. This was on top of my already crumbling week (and yes, it’s only Tuesday). I had another phone interview yesterday and I would be surprised to find out they want me to proceed to the next step. Boy, it’s been a rough one already.

I feel like I’m at a low point this week. And to be honest, I’ve cried twice, been ready to throw in the towel and just take any job offered. But despite the turn this week is taking, I still have faith that something good is going to come from all of this. The last time I was tested in this way, God showed out and provided for me for 5 years in Houston JUST as I was ready to call it quits. I’ve been here before y’all. But it doesn’t hurt less or change how I feel about my circumstances. I’m still human. I’m still a person who feels things and questions God. Don’t think that my belief in Jesus automatically removes my hurt. Pain didn’t stop once I accepted Christ. However, my beliefs provide encouragement & joy. I have eternal & internal joy through it all. Y’all be encouraged.