It never ceases to amaze me how life will turn on you and leave you in shock. I journaled some positive words last Friday despite a hard week and then BOOM! This week came at me even harder. I’ve been racking my brain and my heart trying to decide if this test was one for my faith or if it’s consequence of my own actions. I haven’t decided yet.
See, I’ve been here before. In this spot of total uncertainty. A place where no matter where you turn, you have no clue how it’s going to turn out or if the outcome will be in your favor. And let me tell you, I didn’t like this place the last time I was here. And guess what? I HATE IT HERE! *inserts Jayden Smith meme* No really, I’m not sure if I hate it but I dang sure find it uncomfortable as hell. I’ve been told that when you are being tested, God is making some necessary adjustments to move you around. And trust me, I know I’m wasting my time trying to figure out the plan and the outcome but I can’t help it. I need some guidance. I need for God to come to me directly, sit me down, and tell me exactly what the heck is going on.
I had a phone interview last week and I was so sure I had killed it. Turns out, I didn’t. I got the email today saying they were going a different route with another candidate. This position would have put me right where I needed to be as far as schedule flexibility and pay. So y’all can imagine I was a little bummed to get this news. This was on top of my already crumbling week (and yes, it’s only Tuesday). I had another phone interview yesterday and I would be surprised to find out they want me to proceed to the next step. Boy, it’s been a rough one already.
I feel like I’m at a low point this week. And to be honest, I’ve cried twice, been ready to throw in the towel and just take any job offered. But despite the turn this week is taking, I still have faith that something good is going to come from all of this. The last time I was tested in this way, God showed out and provided for me for 5 years in Houston JUST as I was ready to call it quits. I’ve been here before y’all. But it doesn’t hurt less or change how I feel about my circumstances. I’m still human. I’m still a person who feels things and questions God. Don’t think that my belief in Jesus automatically removes my hurt. Pain didn’t stop once I accepted Christ. However, my beliefs provide encouragement & joy. I have eternal & internal joy through it all. Y’all be encouraged.
4 thoughts on “Day 11: Pain Still Exists”
Girl!!! I needed to read this!!! My week started rough as all get out… I thought I was going to receive good news and actually received some not so good news but God is still faithful and I will remain trusting him… I saw a meme that said Being a Christina doesn’t Change what you go through , it changes how you deal with it. So so so so accurate!!! Keep the faith and keep trusting God! Love you! Hug Cairo for me
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We love you too! It’s hard to go through these tough times. Especially when you believe you’re doing exactly what God wants you to do. But our Faith tells us to keep going. Keep going sis. Push through!
I am praying for you. I innerstand and my heart goes out to you. God is turning things around for you now.
I’m a lot of times, a fearful believer. During those moments where the going gets tough, I am guilty of taking matters into my own hands and not sticking to the plan. As I am mentally preparing for the HUGE jump I am taking in my life, I love that you are sticking to the plan. Enjoy your baby as long as you can. Trust me when I say, you can NEVER get these moments back with her.
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