Lately I’ve been battling with the feeling of me not doing enough. I’m not doing enough to bring in money financially. I’m not doing enough to grow my blog. I’m not doing enough to monetize the blog. I’m not doing enough blah blah blah. It’s like…despite all of my efforts, it’s never enough.
With the constant internal struggle, I’ve realized something about myself. I’ve been operating in fear for a very long time. Which is probably why I feel like I do.
What is fear? Webster definition is “An unpleasant feeling triggered by the perception of danger, real or imagined.” Fear is Qui’s definition is much more simple: inadequacy. I think my apprehension comes from me believing I’m not enough. If you listened to Queenin Podcast earlier this year, you would know that one of my biggest fears was that I wasn’t enough. I’m not exactly sure what my scale of reference is exactly but I’ve had this thought for quite some time.
Operating in fear can either do two things: push me to do more. Or scare me into doing nothing. I’m personally praying that I lean into the direction of doing more versus the latter. And when I say more, I don’t mean doing meaningless tasks just to check off a list. As y’all know, I’m looking to be used and worked by only one person and that is God.
See, the blog isn’t for me. It’s for Him. It’s a tool that God has given me to utilize a skill (writing). So this is His blog, I’m just facilitating. And that is my reminder when I feel low or inadequate. When it comes to my life, I have to move when God says move. I have to stay put when God says be still. I have to pray before I write. I have to listen to where my Spirit guides me as I’m writing to be sure I say the right things.
I’m not doing this for me. That is why this, this blog, CANNOT operate and derive from fear. Life is Such has to be a conqueror. We have to be conquerors.