About 3 years ago my life changed completely. I made a conscious decision to date with a purpose. Previously I had been dating casually and entertaining whatever or whoever caught my eye. Not saying that I was out here sleeping with everyone and being reckless, but I wasn’t looking for anything serious. I had made a decision long ago that I wouldn’t rush into any relationship. It was important for me to guard my heart and play it cool. As a matter of fact, I had gotten so good at being “the cool chick”, that romantic opportunities had passed me by. And when I say opportunities, I mean there were guys that I had been lowkey checking out for a while but I was never open for them to actually date me. I was chilling.
When I finally made the decision to want more, I knew I had to change my position. I started praying about my dating life more purposefully. I began distancing myself from certain individuals that I knew wasn’t on the same page as me. Whew, let me tell yall, that was no easy task. I had developed friendships in the midst of my dating life that I thought were important to me. So denying myself and keeping my thoughts together deemed a bigger challenge than I thought. This is important to recognize. A lot of times we develop these situationships or these comfortable relationships in the midst of our relations. Peep what I said folks. We develop MORE than what was ever supposed to be. Whether you feel like it’s his or her fault, or that someone led you on, we have to take accountability for ourselves. I had to take accountability for my part in why I wasn’t getting more from the guys I entertained. I had to change the way I thought of love, relationships, male companions, and re-evaluate what was important to me going forward.
In order to ease into my new dating lifestyle, I decided to re-download a couple of the dating apps that I had tried in the past. After some hit and misses, I ended up meeting my husband in November of 2017 on POF. We started chatting online but we didn’t exchange numbers for weeks. I guess we were taking it slow. Once we exchanged numbers, things picked up drastically. By my bday (December 12), we had been on a date and had plans to get together soon. Now, let me tell yall something about Marlon. This man was like no man I had ever been on a date with. Our first physical meetup was at Texas Roadhouse (my restaurant of choice) then we followed up with a few drinks at a nearby bar because we weren’t ready for the night to end. Marlon didn’t try to kiss me or make any sexual gestures our entire date. I don’t know about yall but that is so rare these days. Especially when you’re meeting someone from these dating apps/sites. It seems like all they want to do is have sex. After our first date, I knew more was to come. By the end of the following week, we had plans to meet again, and then again. That’s 3 dates in 1.5 weeks time in which he tried absolutely nothing. Just a simple walk to my car, a hug, and a phone call to make sure I made it home safely. Things went this way for about 3 weeks.
So fast forward to present day. Almost 3 years together, 3 months married, and 2 children later, God saw it fit to keep us together. I mentioned that I started praying when I decided to date with a purpose. From our first date to now, I have never stopped talking to God about our relationship. In the beginning, I would pray for God to remove Marlon from my life if he wasn’t my husband to be. I asked for God to separate us because I really didn’t want to waste any time on any man who didn’t have plans to make me better. I distinctively remember one particular night of prayer. I was in my bathroom and I felt like I needed to vent. I just started talking to God about the different things Marlon did and how I felt about him then. It was early on but I could tell he would be different. God literally gave me peace in that time and whenever we have an issue now, I go back to that moment and remember who put us in this relationship. It was God ordained for us to be together. No matter how frustrated I get with him or him with I, we make a conscious decision daily to love one another and be in this together. A relationship isn’t easy, and it definitely isn’t cute pictures for the Gram or Facebook everyday. It takes blood, sweat, and tears to give yourself away to someone else.
I see so many relationships via social media and sometimes it just makes me cringe. There are so many people stuck in relationships that have a never ending cycle of hurt and pain. The ups and downs are online for everyone to see. The unfortunate part about it is those same exact people make the decision everyday to stick around for the crappy lifestyle they’ve accepted as normal. And the other unfortunate part is that some women believe they are getting what they deserve. It hurts to see what some women are willing to accept in the name of “love”. I know there are some men who can put on a show and you will never know their true selves until it’s too late but I’m also a believer in the fact that we make choices. I made the choice to choose myself, pray about my relationship before it even existed, and to continuously pray and seek counseling for my marriage. Choose to date with a purpose. Choose to seek God before entering a relationship. Choose to be happy.