Life can be hard. It can be difficult, stressful, frustrating, etc. But it can also be beautiful, meaningful, joyous, and the list goes on. Last post I made was regarding mental health. I spoke on how in this household we’re practicing loving one another and giving grace. We’re holding onto the good times life has given us and pushing through the hard ones. With everything going on in our home, our life, I completely neglected Qui. That means no blogging, no pampering, no “me time”. And this is where life went from hard to frustrating af.
Over the past month Marlon and I have had to dig deep. We’ve had more than difficult conversations and they’ve led to even bigger conversations. One thing I have learned is, once you open one door, there’s always another one behind it waiting to be kicked down. With that said, we’ve been kicking down doors, breaking windows, and burning the entire house down. I’m not telling you this because it’s pretty (obviously). I’m telling you this because life happens and when it does happen, you kind of just have to roll with it and ride it out. See, life comes in waves. Or tides, if it’s a really tough one. Through the water, there’s always glory on the other side. There’s some hope or gratitude waiting to show you just how great it can be when you swim through it. And that my friends is the hardest part of all. So as I said, we’ve pretty much had to build a new home, a new look for Qui and Marlon. And I’ve come to the conclusion that this is what our marriage will look like from time to time. We want and dream of a lifetime together. So that means there is going to be lots of pruning, lots of growing, and lots of changes individually and as a couple. But today, I’m going to talk about the individual changes.
I recently told Marlon that I am realizing how out of touch I have really become with myself. I know, I know. We always preach how mothers and wives must stay aware of our needs and changes. Preaching it is one thing, doing it is another. Maybe not at the exact moment, but I am typically aware of my feelings. I may not always be in tune with my emotions in terms of the “why” I feel a ways, but I am typically aware of the emotion that I’m feeling. This is important. As a mother, I have to compartmentalize my issues and properly unbox them when necessary. I could go scream at my kids because I’m upset at a friend but is that healthy? Wouldn’t I be causing more harm to my children over something that has absolutely nothing to do with them? That’s not fair. So boom. I put my emotions to the side and keep mothering. Then before I can get back to figuring out that last problem, I get hit with a crazy workload. Now I’m not only neglecting my emotions. I’m neglecting my family time to knock out some work. But cool. I’ll get back to it as soon as I finish the last task. Then boom. Marlon and I have a disagreement over something (probably petty) and a whole new set of emotions take over my psyche. Yall see how this train never stops going? Yall see how easy it is to forget about YOU?
After a crazy 2020 and a big wedding and 2 kids back to back, I’m ready to get back to Qui. That means I’m unboxing some old but new things about myself. It also means that while I was busy packing (big bag lady vibes), my husband was packing/unpacking too. We are pruning like crazy in this household. I took it upon myself to find new ways to satisfy my incessant cry to do more. I kept feeling like no matter what I did within my family life, I wasn’t doing enough for my career/professional life. The blog wasn’t taking off as I had planned and I wasn’t getting any valid job leads so this was one area I knew I could change. I updated my resume and started applying to more jobs. This small but big task has brought me confidence that I didn’t realize I lacked. I need to feel accomplished in my professional life in order for me to feel good about myself. I realize that taking care of a family is huge. It’s a hard task that can never be taken for granted. However, I also realize that I need separation between professional productivity and keeping a home together. The two can coexist. I’m not exactly sure what that looks like for me right now but I already gave that “problem” to God. Another big thing I did was I decided to go back to school for my Master’s – concentration of Accounting. Talk about a workload?! Yall, I legit just spent 3 hours doing work for one class. Not to mention I had been trying to read one chapter for 3 days. This is an additional 2 hours. I had to eventually just buckle down, get my mind right, play some music, and just do it. Thanks be to God for patience and perseverance. The last thing I’ve added is working out. Before the babies I was working out for at least 30 mins 4x a week. I wasn’t the smallest woman but I felt good. I felt good in my clothes and I felt confident.
I’m making changes to re-align myself daily. I’m putting forth real effort into taking care of Qui – physically and mentally. I’m learning to be more open and honest with Marlon regarding things that I need from him. I’m asking and listening to things he needs from me. Most importantly – we are both taking the necessary steps to be better individually so we can be better together.
What does taking care of you look like?